I've Been Lying

I've been lying...to save myself/
From pain that I made myself/
I was so damned ashamed of myself/
I found it real easy, just to put the blame on myself/
As a child growing down, I went from shame to just plain hating myself/
I try to find myself when I spit/
Between the snare and the kick/
I nod my head to the track, and say "yes"/
Affirmation goes straight to my chest/
Cuz "yes", is what I wanted to hear/
Instead of "No, you won't see your father this year"/
Or "No, you look more like your father each year"/
Then, "No, you can't get new shoes this year,/
ask for your father for the money that he owes this year"/
This is the pain, that makes me rock flows in your ear/
But I know, my lies are being chased by my fears/
Now I'm crying, but a drop of blood chases the tear/
Wets the surface of a mirror that embraces the fear/
Of me..being the man that my pops was/
Having kids at the same age that my pops was/
On the beat right now trying to escape who my pops was/
A man since then..now I know who my pops was/
A boy since then, with his hands in his pop's gloves/
I've been lying/